


Curling Up At The Foot Of A Bed

by stealyourfood



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Gen, catra's thoughts, looking back at season 1
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:53:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24838003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stealyourfood/pseuds/stealyourfood
Summary: “She’ll be back. We promised.”Another look at Season 1, after re-watching it.Catra and her thoughts.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	Curling Up At The Foot Of A Bed

It’s been one day.

It’s the first slip.

Catra wakes at the base of a familiar bed, scratch marks adorning the sides of the metal bedframe. If she gets up first, she stares, for a good five minutes, before curling up again. So she does, until she realises there’s a startling lack of warmth.

She gets up.

“Ado-”

Her throat catches, and she stares at nothing, for a good five minutes, before her eyebrows crease.

She curls up, hugging her knees close to her chest.

Catra tugs the blanket over her body desperate for some familiarity – some smell, some reminder that Adora has been here. It would be a phase. A one-off thing. Adora would see past the stupid façade of the Rebellion, and return.

There would be a warm bed when she did.

“She’ll be back. We promised.”

* * *

It’s been three days.

“Why did you leave out one grey ration bar?” Lonnie asks, and Catra growls at how _stupid_ she is.

“Duh, It’s for-” _Adora_. Catra bites her tongue, and snarls. “It’s for me!” It’s another mistake, and she hates how _stupid_ she is.

“Right. Stop lying to yourself, Catra.” Lonnie walks off, and _how dare she!_ Catra curls her fingers around the grey ration bar.

“ _The two of us look out for each other_.” How stupid was she? Adora clearly didn’t feel that way anymore! She ran off to join the enemy. She left the Horde behind, she left-

“me.” Catra whispers, her eyes going wide. “Argh!” She crushes the grey ration bar, and swings it. It hits the wall, and the grains seep out of the punctures left by Catra.

There was no Adora anymore. There was no one for her in the Fright Zone. Whatever she had put up with – Shadow Weaver’s verbal abuse, Hordak’s cruel treatment, Octavia and the other superiors’ bullying – it was because of Adora. And now? She is bitterly alone.

* * *

Shadow Weaver confronts her, a short while after her promotion to Force Captain.

“You’re still trying to protect her.” Shadow Weaver gets right behind Catra, and she flinches slightly.

_We promised_. Catra shakes away that stubborn little thought. “It’s just a phase, she’s confused. I’ll bring her back in, I swear.”

_It has to be._

Shadow Weaver unleashes her shadow spies, and Catra squirms uncomfortably at the black swirling masses.

“Bring her home.” Shadow Weaver instructs her minions, and Catra can’t help but feel that

_Home_

Is no longer a fitting word.

* * *

Catra still counts the days. Maybe, just maybe.

“I need her to see that she needs me. Not that I need her.” Catra tells herself, as she prepares herself to engage with the hostile forces. She dreads seeing She-ra, a grim reminder that Adora has changed. That she has different priorities. That she has new friends. A new home. A new-

“Hmm.” She no longer feels sick. Which means… She climbs up, breathing the salty air, and frowns.

“Why have we stopped?” She questions Kyle, and he nearly drops the spyglass.

He stammers through his explanation, and Catra is _pissed._ A gate. Yet another barrier. But she’s Catra. She’ll tear it down, and advance. She’ll get so far, prove herself to everyone, and Adora will have no choice but to return. She’ll see what they were supposed to work for together.

_Force Captain – no, maybe Lord Catra and Lord Adora._ It’s a far-off dream, but Catra holds onto that dream.

She holds onto the dream, even as she mocks Adora, no, She-ra – it doesn’t matter. Adora’s still in there. Somewhere, uncorrupted by _princess_ magic. She’ll make her see.

“Check it out.” She struts past Adora, who’s trying so desperately to maintain concentration. “Looks like with you gone, I got your promotion.” She shows off the new badge, hoping that Adora would see her progress. Would remember their pact.

“Congratulations.” Adora states coldly, and Catra frowns.

“Seems like only yesterday this was the thing you wanted most in the world.” Catra walks around Adora, scrutinizing her expression. “And now you’re-” Adora remains unblinking, in her horrendous She-ra form, and it agitates Catra.

Did Adora throw everything away to become She-ra?

“I’m not going back!” Adora states, a firm tone that screams ‘this is final’ to Catra.

And so Catra does one thing she’s good at. She lashes out, striking She-ra. She’ll show her. She’s strong too, she’s so capable, and this is what Adora is missing out on. It’s also a way of venting, and she wishes that she can scrape She-ra away with her claws.

“This is what you left me for?” Catra grasps Adora’s chin. It feels painful to even voice out what she has been bottling these few days. Weeks.

“Dress-up games and a light show?” _Come back_

“And your new best friends are nowhere to be seen.” _You’re nowhere to be seen_

“When did you get so weak?” _When did I get-_

Catra doesn’t get to complete her thoughts as a jet of water shoots into her, throwing her off the platform. She doesn’t know what happens, and she thinks she’d be better off just drowning. It’s difficult to breathe without Adora around, and –

And a claw fishes her out of the waters.

As she is dragged away, Catra slants her eyes, looking at Adora surrounded by her _new_ friends as they celebrate their victory.

She subconsciously curls up at an abandoned bunk that night.

* * *

“ _You’d look good in formal wear_.” Adora had told her, so many years ago when they found out that some Horde superiors could personalise their outfits.

“ _Like what?”_ Catra had replied, thinking of how to acquire formal wear.

_“A pants and a jacket thing! Here, I’ll draw it out!”_

Catra remembers that drawing. It was a horrible one, and Adora’s hand had slipped, elongating the pants past the paper.

She remembers. But she doesn’t say anything as she manages to procure a suit, jacket, shirt, tie and all.

“ _But it’s too formal. You’ll have like, little tears here._ ”

Catra digs her claws into the pants, ripping it.

_“and here!_ ”

She’s not doing it for Adora. She’s doing it for herself.

* * *

She sees herself, ironically, in a princess.

Hell no, it’s not Scorpia. It’s Entrapta.

“They’re not coming back.” It sounds as though she’s telling that to herself, and it frightens her. “Isn’t that just like Adora?” Catra continues. Some friends they are, indeed. “She left me behind too. Like I was nothing.”

And she feels relief, a sense of connection when Entrapta’s eyes widen in realisation.

“They’re not coming back for me.”

That sense of relief does nothing to dissuade her from packing a worn-out blanket that she thinks still smells like Adora into her backpack. Force Captain and she did not request for a new one. Shadow Weaver tries to shake her, but she thinks of

_Not Adora, not Adora, stop. It’s you, just you._

And shrugs that old hag off.

“I’m plenty strong now.”

* * *

She follows Adora into the weird – temple? Shrine? It’s a creepy place, full of gems and lights and – a hologram. She presses herself against one of the giant crystal-like pillars, and listens to Adora yammer on about the sword. She slowly starts moving, keeping her eyes out for any weird technology bits.

“You need to let go.” The robotic voice stabs her, and she takes a quick look around her hiding spot.

“Let go of what?” Adora, in her _stupid_ She-ra form, asks, and Catra wants to know too.

She doesn’t, because this creepy place just has to unleash its equally creepy security system, and both Adora and her are running from spiders, and- and

And it’s almost a sense of familiarity, especially when Adora raises a shield above her. She would have relished the body contact if they weren’t in danger.

* * *

It’s an eerie sense of familiarity when they appear in what seems like the Fright Zone. It’s odd, to see Adora back in the Fright Zone, and she relaxes. It’s as close to her dream as she can get.

Then Catra realises it isn’t real, and calls out for Adora. There’s no response.

”Silly Adora. She must have gotten lost. She always gets lost.” Catra walks, and sees her. “Adora!”

She freezes as Adora shushes her.

In front of them, a cruel memory of a kinder time.

They watch, and Catra knows what happens next. She watches, smiling, as the younger versions of Adora and her hold hands, insult Octavia together, and run away, holding hands.

But then it’s them, and they’re holding hands, laughing at Octavia’s response. They share a quiet look, and Catra shirks her hands clean from Adora’s grasp.

_It’s not real._

* * *

She catches Adora once, and while she plays it cool, she’s terrified. If Adora actually fell over – Catra turns her thoughts away, switching the conversation to the Fright Zone.

“I missed you.” Adora says, and Catra nearly says it too.

“I don’t miss you. Get over yourself.”

Adora laughs, and Catra steels herself, building her walls up –

_She’s going to leave anyway._

They watch another of the ship’s simulations – Catra and Adora, back in their training, sparring. And Catra _letting_ Adora win.

“ _Second place suits me just fine._ ”

_Not anymore_ , Catra bites her lip. She already knew it back then. She didn’t care so much about being first, as she cared about being first _for_ Adora.

As she lets the tears stream down, she glances up in horror before she's forcefully dragged away.

"Catra!"

* * *

This time, Adora doesn’t manage to fully catch her. And she’s alone. Maybe she's always been alone, and she stop struggling, stops calling out for an Adora who will never come. 

_Second place? There’s only first place and last place._

Catra blinks away her tears as the Spider drags her, then extends her claws.

If Adora wasn’t here, she’d fight for herself. She could do it. She doesn’t need a second reminder of what actually lies outside the simulation. She doesn’t need Adora. She didn’t need Adora, didn’t need –

“Hya!” Adora jumps down, piercing the spider that was already on the verge of collapsing. Catra watches it fall into an useless heap.

_Just like me_

“We need to make sure we stay together.”

_But you didn’t._

Catra brushes Adora off. Something about this pisses her off.

* * *

They step into yet another painful simulation – and Catra knows this well. It’s been in her heart, her memory, and –

“You don’t have to go in there.” Adora says, as though it actually means something now. Catra ignores her. A good reminder that Shadow Weaver always, always preferred Adora.

Adora was always first place for everyone.

_Even me_

But she wasn’t.

Catra wasn’t heard, at least not without Adora around. She was worthless, and Shadow Weaver had demonstrated that. Adora never, never ever fought for Catra the way Catra would have fought for her.

Catra would overthrow the entire Horde for Adora.

But Adora? She plays nice, in her _ridiculous_ princess outfit. She tries to be the hero, and Catra swears it’s some goddamned complex. Always, always Adora, saving the day, being first place, being everything everyone wanted. But when Catra actually needs her…

* * *

Adora asks her to come with her, like it’s _so_ simple. She’s essentially asking Catra to throw away everything. So what, now Adora finds her happy place and expects Catra to just tag along? This isn’t how it works.

“I don’t want to leave.” _I want you to stay_

She tells enough lies, for every word to now be a lie. She runs off, swiping away at the illusions.

_No more, please. No more._

She gasps when she runs into the form of her younger, crying self, huddled under the blankets. Younger, gentler Adora comes in, and does what older Adora can’t.

“ _You look out for me, I look out for you. Nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other.”_

“You promise?” She says in tandem with her younger, beat-up self.

“ _I promise.”_

_You lied._

* * *

She returns, finding Adora overwhelmed by so many spiders. It’s a great opportunity.

_First place, huh? I’m no longer a shadow. Adora kept me around just for this._

She doesn’t need apologies.

She walks away and tells a – _it’s not a lie_.

“I really am going to miss you.”

She cries herself to sleep that night, curled up at the foot of an empty bed.

**Author's Note:**

> Whew, needed to get those thoughts out.  
> Also I'm planning to write a multi-chapter AU! So yeah, stay tuned for that. 
> 
> [My Writing Twitter](https://twitter.com/souhiwrites)
> 
> [Main Twitter](https://twitter.com/Stealyourfood)


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